Whenever I read of deaths by suicide I feel a sense of sadness and defeat, as I did reading such an account of a young woman in her mid 20s this week.
What’s worrying is that the statistics show rapidly increasing numbers of people who take their own lives.
But of course these are NOT statistics.....they are real people, leaving heartbreak behind.
Peter Hitchens writing in the Mail on Sunday submits the view that you will often find this outcome when people have been taking anti depressants for some time. Why? Because they can increase the sense of depression and feelings of fear and exaggerate symptoms.
Evidence suggests that in some cases this might be a key factor.
The debate about whether too many are prescribed by Doctors has raged for years but for me, lives could be saved if we were better listeners, more observant and more supportive.
What is worrying is that so many young people are resorting to suicide and we can say some of the reasons are lack of self worth, being bullied and having no confidence in their value.
If we are honest we all have the “armchair” expertise that is swift to give very general reasons for suicides.
One that is common is to reinforce the idea that “thinking became irrational”.
It may be true to say the mind was “imbalanced” but the detail and planning that some make before suicide shows they can be very rational but deeply in pain.
What they are not doing when saying “no-one loves me” is drawing on the times when they did feel loved and reproducing it.
As one person put it “you develop a fear of living, not dying”.
We are told that a good sign to alert us will be a change in behaviour but they are not always acute.
Some can look and sound upbeat in company but withdraw later into a deep sense of isolation.
Do you sense more people are depressed these days? I do.
The problem it creates is that it seems so common, much like a cold, that we ignore it. We just call it “the blues” and box it.
Depression enters an entirely more dangerous place if it lingers more than a few days so be aware.
It can disable the mind to the point that the brain seems no longer to give instructions like “let’s get a shower”, “some fresh air might help” and “It would make sense to eat something”.
The things that used to excite you completely lose their joy.
You lose your sense of relevance, see your life ahead as fearful challenges and decide that more of the same is not desirable.
Isolating ourselves is never healthy either.
We are “hard wired” to need the company of others.
To a depressed person a reassuring word, a phone call or visit to see if they are feeling better reminds them that someone cares.
I have always taken the view that if you are down, I lift you and when I am down, you lift me.
Some people are influenced badly by a constant flow of negative news or “professional” moaners.
We need to be positive around others, as much for our own frame of mind as theirs.
Please, NEVER tell someone to “pull their socks up” or glibly say “you will get over it”.
To that person they have a very real pressure and it should be respected.
I once talked a Man down from a skyscraper roof.
I was so terrified of heights I had to sit down on the roof whilst talking to him.
Not once was he irrational.
He was clear thinking but had reached the wrong conclusion.
We talked very casually and my heart went out to him.
He genuinely thought his failures were hurting those he loved and not being there was like a breaking of their curse.
The moment I asked him what he wanted me to tell his “obviously” lovely wife and children, he broke down into sobbing I have never forgotten.
I told him he needed to tell them himself and spare a lifetime of heartache for them, since they would assume they had failed HIM.
The story had a happy ending many years ago and the challenges of life have broken many others since.
Pressures of life on people have risen to unprecedented and unbearable levels regardless of age.
For most we will not be there to help so what might we be reminded of?
Keep a close eye on those special people in your life.
Give some time and attention that proves to them that they are not undervalued or forgotten.
Include them in your life.
An elderly person recently responded to “Isn’t creation wonderful?” with “you don’t think about creation at my time of life, its cremation I’m thinking of!”
Next time you ask someone how they are and they say “fine thanks” without hesitation, surprise them with interest by asking “give me how fine on a scale of 10 with 10 being brilliant”
You will be amazed what it reveals but be ready to listen.
Even if its 9, you get to say how happy you are for them.
If its four, lift them to six.
Sharing shows real care and caring is reassuring.
Give up fifteen minutes of your day and take the lead.
You will be thrilled how satisfying it feels.
“Give something back” by being consoling.
It’s even better than giving someone a blanket to keep warm.
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